How Much Sex is Normal?
Let’s Talk About It!

By: Amy Rowan and Trina Reed

Let’s face it—everyone’s curious about what’s “normal” when it comes to sex. Spoiler alert: there’s no magic number. While we all want to know if we’re hitting some secret sexual standard, the reality is, the amount of sex that’s right for you is based on, well, you and your partner.

So, how much sex should you be having? We dug into intimacy expert Shan Boodram’s take on this and some other juicy insights. Let’s break it down.

 

 

The Big Question: How Much Sex is Normal?

This is probably one of the most common questions couples ask: Are we having enough sex?

Truth is, there’s no universal answer. Every relationship is different, and what works for one couple might not work for another. In Shan Boodram’s Instagram video, she says, “The amount of sex of whoever wants sex the least. If that’s two times a month, then it’s two times a month. And if you want to change that, then change how you have sex with that person.”

Mic drop, right? It’s a reminder that sexual frequency should be driven by mutual desire and comfort—not an arbitrary number.

 

What You’ll Learn:

• More sex doesn’t necessarily equal more happiness: Research shows that having more sex doesn’t directly impact overall relationship happiness.
• The Goldilocks standard: Studies suggest that having sex once a week hits the sweet spot for most couples.
• Desire matters: If you’re not feeling spontaneous, responsive, or compassionate desire, it’s probably not the best time for sex.

 

Shan’s Key Takeaways on Sex and Desire

In her video, Shan touched on different types of sexual desire:

• Compassionate desire: You’re not super into it, but you’re in it for your partner’s happiness.
• Goal-oriented sex: You don’t start out excited but know you’ll enjoy the result.

Shan’s advice? If neither of you feels spontaneous, responsive, or compassionate desire, then maybe skip the sex that day. Sex should always be consensual and enjoyable for both parties. If someone wants it more, it’s up to them to find out why and work on improving the overall experience.

 

But Isn’t More Sex Better?

Actually, no. Some couples have tried the “sex every day” experiment, and the results weren’t what they expected. One Calgary couple documented their attempt to have sex daily for a year but quit after just six months. Why? It turned into a chore and, ironically, made their relationship feel strained.

Research backs this up: more sex doesn’t necessarily make couples happier. In fact, once a week seems to be the Goldilocks standard—not too much, not too little, just right.

 

How Much Are Other People Having?

Curious about how you measure up? A 2017 study revealed that adults have sex about 54 times a year—roughly once a week. But don’t get too caught up in comparing numbers. What’s most important is finding the frequency that works for both of you.

 

Want More Quality Sex? Focus on Intimacy.

If you’re aiming for more fulfilling sexual experiences, remember that sex isn’t just about intercourse. Physical intimacy in all forms—like cuddling, foreplay, and sharing fantasies—helps build connection and desire.

Focus on meeting your partner’s emotional and physical needs, and the sex will follow. It’s not about quantity but the quality of the connection.

Wrap-Up: Ready for Your Own Sexual “Goldilocks”?

Before you start stressing about how much sex you’re having, ask yourself a few key questions:

• Is the amount of sex you’re having affecting your relationship happiness?
• Are you tapping into spontaneous, responsive, or compassionate desire?
• Would you like to aim for the once-a-week standard for sexual happiness?

Whatever your answers, just know that we’re here for your sex’cess (see what we did there?). When you’re in tune with your partner’s needs, you’re creating your own version of a satisfying sex life—and that’s something to be proud of.

 

For more tips, follow us at @SensationalSxPodcast or send your questions to sensationalsexpodcast@gmail.com. We’ve got you covered!